Chicago International Film Festival

by Anna Pulley

One Hundred Nails (Centochiodi, Dir. Ermanno Olmi, Italy)

The synopsis of One Hundred Nails was a lot more exciting than the film itself - how can one not be intrigued by a Christ figure who drives a Ferrari and has a way with the ladies? Sadly, Olmi's highly anticipated follow up to his last film Singing Behind Screens (2003) does everything but hit the nail on the head. The film opens with a melodramatic flourish as the caretaker of a university discovers one hundred religious texts nailed to the floor, and not just any nails you might find at the Crafty Beaver, but the kind you'd kill zombies with. Oh or crucify someone. The audience is kept in some suspense over who would execute such a heinous crime, but then ten seconds later we know it's the professor. Surprise! The Philosophy of Religion prof nee Son of God (Raz Degan) is shown on the last day of class trying to mollify the combined three brain cells of his disinterested students, save for one beautifully haunting "Oriental" girl (Amina Syed) who's obviously Indian and whom approaches the professor after class. They talk about God for a while, then they make out. I can't say that I blame her really. Raz Degan can mount my sermon anytime, regardless of the philosophical drivel that comes out of his pretty mouth. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After Jesus commits his sacrilegious act, he hightails it out of town, Ferrari, Gucci shades and Indiana Jones hat in tow. To steer the fuzz in the wrong direction, Jesus fakes his death by throwing his coat and wallet into the Po river and sets off to start a new life. The sleepy, pastoral feel of the film mimics that of the river that guides his journeys and interactions. It's languidly paced, at times serene, at times wandering like a lazy eye into some bygone corner of the face. In the small town, Jesus quickly makes many friends and captures the heart of the village slut / baker Zelinda (Luna Bendandi). The villagers team up to help Jesus construct a make-shift house out of some rocks near the river, drink his wine and ask for his guidance. What prompts the professor's deification is never really stated, but I'm going to conjecture that it was because of his ass. Olmi claimed that he wasn't fictionalizing a Son of God but a Son of Man, calling attention to the humanistic elements of Christ, and indeed, the professor does seem to have the ability to touch people...inappropriately (This is too easy. Forgive me). When a government ordinance tries to force the villagers out of their homes, Christ comes to the rescue with his laptop and credit card and despite his continual efforts to save the villagers from their simple selves, there are some that all too easily want him to take the blame for their troubles and misfortunes. Cue ominous Judas music.

The ending has a similarly melodramatic flourish as the professor is arrested and forced to defend his crisis of faith. He does so in Sesame Street language, something like "all the knowledge in the world can't compare to having coffee with a friend." The core of the film seems to lend itself to the belief that we would all be much happier if we relished simple pleasures - coffee, conversation, BMWs, etc, but this is a pretty banal and obvious observation, one that Olmi, a revered and accomplished director, should know better by now, especially if Jesus Christ is supposed to be at the lectern.

The baker / Mary Magdalen-type relationship had potential to be interesting, but whatever budding romance was rising between them was quickly subsumed by the villagers' impending doom and the professor's criminal record. In the end, the villagers are left waiting and saviourless, a mix of longing and disappointment (and the occasional flush of wine) on their hang dog faces. There's also a way in which the villagers are painted as helpless and dumb, as if one is forced to exchange wits for humanity because the two cannot occur simultaneously. But stupid is as stupid does, I guess, and I found myself rooting for them during their legal battle with the government. Even the gap-toothed one who painted stick figure murals. Especially him. What do they say, brainlessness is next to godliness.