Summer Movie Meltdown: Or How I Wasted My Summer At The Cineplex
It seems only fitting that the finest film I saw in a theater this summer is in fact, not a "summer film" in any sense of the word. The film is not even in theaters yet. On top of that, many of the best offerings from this year so far do not deserve to be lumped into such a category. Hollywood just keeps on sticking to the same tried and true methods of blockbuster producing, marketing, and general incompetence. Upon looking back, I am almost ashamed to admit that I am not the solution. If anything, I am only part of the problem due to the undeniable fact that I still seem to find myself heading to the theater to watch these films in the hopes that one of them might wind up being this year's Batman Begins (which will always remain as one of the rare exceptions to the norm). However, I did find myself having some pretty wonderful times at the cinema this summer despite all of this. With that in mind, I decided to look back at each flick that I saw during my summer vacation from college (May 5 – three days ago) and hopefully synthesize my thoughts on each of them to display the wide variety of experiences that the season had to offer. I missed a few key ones, such as Talladega Nights and World Trade Center, but I made up for it by getting to see some of the more esoteric ones. I have elected to present them in semi-chronological order while utilizing the shallowest of all reviewing techniques (right next to the pointing of one's opposable digits upwards or downwards), the star rating system, because it seems all too fitting for such an occasion, and I could not pass it up.
***** = bloody brilliant and quite obviously not your typical summer movie
**** = better than one should expect to see and very much worth the time
*** = sure it's good, but becomes less memorable over time
** = it's decent, but who gives a fuck?
* = I hope there is a .44 magnum at the bottom of this popcorn tub
1.) Inside Man - ****
Oddly enough, the first film that I watched this summer is one of the ones that has stuck with me the most. This is pure social commentary in disguise, which is usually the best kind. Spike Lee works with what one would normally expect out of a bank heist thriller and then slowly turns it on its head until the viewer is forced to come up with a completely different interpretation of what he or she just watched. Denzel Washington, Clive Owen, and Jodie Foster do great work in their lead roles, and every other supporting player in the film provides solid performances. One of the most daring things the film does from a storytelling perspective is flashing forward to interrogation scenes taking place after the heist that slowly unravel what might have happened during the heist. As the great structural screenwriter Donald Kaufman would say, "that way there's more tension."
2.) Mission Impossible 3 - ** ½
Director J.J. Abrams pulls together some exciting action set pieces, but overall he seemed a bit out of his element here. The film is entertaining and it's a lot of fun watching Philip Seymour Hoffman as a villain, but three months later I find myself unable to remember much (or care to, for that matter) about the characters or the plot. Comedic genius Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) gets a whopping two scenes of screen time to offer some comic relief and it is no surprise that they are probably the best scenes in the film. Oh, and there was something about faking out the bad guys by chucking baseballs at a glass building that was kind of cool.
3.) Thank You For Smoking - *** ½
If anything, this film sold me on the fact that Aaron Eckhart is a fantastic actor. I was so used to hearing how good and underrated he is, but I really had not seen him in much (I mean, come on, why on Earth would I watch The Core – pun very much intended). I do love me a good satire, and though this film does get a bit blatant at times, it is quite successful in the long run. O.C. vet Adam Brody has a memorable extended cameo as a Hollywood assistant and the other supporting performances by J.K. Simmons, Rob Lowe, and a few others are also well done. My only other complaint would be that the script tends to lag at times and has a relatively underwhelming climax, which prevented this from being much more fulfilling.
4.) The DaVinci Code - *
It boggles my mind that this film was spawned from such a celebrated best seller (read: of no major literary importance). Ron Howard is much more talented than this and should do some serious career evaluation before stepping behind the lens again. This film is an absolute bore from start to finish and includes horribly phoned in performances from talented actors. My favorite awful line of the summer is the thing that I remember the most: "I need to get to a library, FAST!" There is a scene where Tom Hanks uses the bathroom. Has anyone else noticed that Tom Hanks pees A LOT in his films? Someday I plan to watch each of his films just to find out the percentage of films that include scenes where he expels urine. Think about it, it happens very often. It was even used as a comedic set piece in Forrest Gump AND A League of Their Own. Wait, what movie was I talking about again?
5.) X3: The Last Stand - ** ½
It goes without saying that this film was very very rushed and that Brett Ratner isn't half the director that Bryan Singer is. An obvious example of how rushed it was lies in the fact that Cyclops was killed off ten minutes into the film, most likely because James Marsden was preoccupied with his appearance in Superman Returns. Even with that in mind, I found myself impressed that the film was willing to take risks that were so blasphemous to many fans of the comic. If you're going to run a trilogy into the ground, might as well go down in flames.
6.) Brick - ****
My thoughts on the film can be found in my review of it in the DVD section. Lons and I had wildly different takes on the film, which is perfectly understandable. You either buy into the crazy world that the film creates, or you don't.
7.) Cars - * ½
What the fuck happened, Pixar? I can't believe that one of the most consistently terrific studios spent countless hours throwing together this predictable piece of touchy feely garbage. The script moves painfully slow and is corroded with clichés and forced 'let's all slow down and appreciate things more' messages. Instead of having beautifully crafted stories to go along with the stunning animation, this film chokes on its own exhaust fumes as it idles towards the finish line. Sure, there were moments that I enjoyed, but the bad vastly outweighed the good. Maybe I would have been less harsh if the Larry The Cable Guy voiced car didn't say "Git Er Done!" during the final race. God fucking dammit.
8.) Superman Returns - *** ½
Despite some pacing problems and the fact that it seemed just like the old Superman but with better visuals, this film still worked for me. I get the impression that the next installment will be a lot more accomplished now that everyone has been re-introduced to the Man of Steel. Brandon Routh turned out to be perfect for the part, not only as Superman but as Clark Kent too. Superman's big "return" moment (the plane rescue) is one of the most well conceived action sequences in a long time. It is an extended sequence (as it should be) that can almost stand on its own as a short film.
9.) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - ****
I still can't decide whether I prefer this film to the first one or not. In the end, these films (enjoyable yet flawed) might be best viewed as one big saga, which is ironic since sequels were not originally planned. Davy Jones is one of the coolest and most complex villains in a long time, possibly ever. The ending, which follows the quintessential Empire Strikes Back downer formula, has me excited to view the final chapter, despite a somewhat misguided surprise twist at the very end. I'll have to see how it plays out before I decide my feelings on it. Am I the only one that thinks the entire part of the film on the cannibal island was 100% unnecessary?
10.) A Scanner Darkly - **** ½
Richard Linklater and Robert Downey Jr. are becoming two of my favorite people in modern American cinema. Critics that mistakenly label this film as "trippy" and "hard to follow" have got it all wrong. Just because it dares to have complexity and ambiguity does not mean that it is a difficult film to understand. The rotoscoping animation is gorgeous, but I was more impressed by the fact that it did not take away from the performances or distract from the story at all. If anything, it only made everything better. It is also a film that achieves cynicism and hilarity all at once. A Scanner Darkly deserves repeated viewing and is another solid effort from one of the most prolific auteurs (he has another film yet to come out this year) currently working in our country.
11.) The Devil Wears Prada - ***
Yes, we know Meryl Streep can act. So it is no surprise that she is able to bring vulnerability to an otherwise cold, one-dimensional character. The film frequently wavers between being scathingly critical of the fashion industry and surprisingly endearing towards it. If the filmmakers decided to actually figure out which end of this superficial conundrum they wanted to wind up on, it could have been a better movie. And that Anne Hathaway sure is good lookin', am I right?
12.) Clerks II - *** ½
My enjoyment of Kevin Smith's films has seriously dwindled as I've matured. I used to be very amused by his antics, but then I sort of found myself outgrowing them. Of all of his Askewniverse movies, I do still enjoy Clerks, if only for nostalgic purposes and for the hilarious cartoon that accompanied it. The other movies do still have some quotable moments, but he is just not a very good director and possesses little to no sense of visual style. So during the moments in Clerks II when he actually decides to MOVE the camera DURING THE SHOT, I get the sense that he might be starting to improve in that aspect. The jokes are still lowbrow. Randall (my favorite Smith character) is still incredibly insensitive in a hilarious way. Brian O'Halloran (Dante) still manages to prove why he doesn't act in other director's films. Even though it is not a great movie, I still found it surprisingly cathartic. And I couldn't help but laugh my head off at the concept of "Pillow Pants." By going back to his roots, Smith winds up outdoing every other effort he's made since he maxed out his credit cards for some 16mm back in '94.
13.) The Science of Sleep - *****
I reviewed this for the site also. It is the aforementioned best film I've seen over the summer that ironically is not a summer film. It is beautiful. It is visionary. I need to see it again very very quickly. Highlight of the summer, and the entire year for that matter.
14.) Scoop - ****
Ok, so I'm a biased fan of Woody Allen's work. But let's face it; he's still got something left in him. This could be deemed as too easy and simplistic from a filmmaking standpoint, but who cares? And yes Woody plays himself again, but the fact that he can still be incredibly entertaining while doing so says a lot about his talents and contributions to the history of cinema. "I used to be in real estate, but land is so hard to come by. Especially outdoors." Delightful.
15.) Snakes On A Plane - ****
It all comes down to snakes on a motherfucking plane. When I begin to think about the ramifications that this film will have on the future of movie marketing, my brain starts to melt. The film achieved cult classic status months before reaching theaters. So is it actually a good film? Hell no! Is it incredibly campy and fun to watch? Short answer: yes. Long answer: Yes yes yes yes yes! It needs to be seen with a relatively large audience to get the full effect. We'll never know for sure, but I choose to believe that everyone involved with the making of the film knew exactly how ridiculous this was going to be so they just went with it. Once they got the ok for the R-rating, they got to go even further, and thankfully so. I found it funny that nearly every time a character dropped an F-bomb it was in a tight close up, clearly re-shot later on. Maybe all the hype will eventually die down and the pop cultural significance of the movie will go the way of the pog (that's right, the POG). If it doesn't, then the image of Samuel L. Jackson CALMLY TASERING A SNAKE IN THE FACE will go down as a turning point in American cinema. I'm shocked to say that part of me hopes for the latter.
So is it still worthwhile to shell out unnecessarily high amounts of cash at the Cineplex every summer? Probably not and it probably never will be. But we'll just keep doing it anyway and hope that smart filmmakers find ways to overtake moronic studio executives. If there's anything that Snakes On A Plane proves, it's that WE still have what it takes to decide what is or isn't going to be a hit. As long as we wise up and find ways to support the creative films that we so crave, something has to give in the end. If not, then at least the air conditioning in those theaters feels fantastic on a hot, humid summer day.
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